Intimacy In Marriage

If a couple’s source for learning intimacy is Penthouse, Hustler, Playboy, Playgirl, or any of the other mainstream or underground  X-rated publications, you will be a miserable failure in the romantic arena of marriage.  The primary focus of the above publications is not to teach or even advocate for true intimacy but rather draw attention to primarily two areas:  The first area of attention is the physical body of either the male or the female.  The second area of attention is the physical act of intercourse between the male and the female.  The purpose of such publications is not to address intimacy in marriage but rather promiscuity and fulfillment of sexual desires without boundaries.  What then is true intimacy and how is intimacy any different from what is advocated in almost all of the sex centered publications?  Intimacy indeed should be sensual and passionate, as well as emotional, and also sexually fulfilling, but also spiritually filled with love, gentleness, compassion, forgiveness, encouragement, support one for the other, a genuine concern for each other, an unselfish desire to completely satisfy the sexual appetite of each other, and finally each spouse engaging in intimacy will be filled with an ongoing anticipation of continually receiving and giving of themselves to each other with a full knowledge that each is providing for the other a special gratification that no other person has permission or any business giving to your spouse.

Intimacy is defined as complete familiarity with another.  The depth of intimacy into which one’s spouse is able to venture will be restricted or empowered by each spouse’s familiarity with their own personal self as it relates to self acceptance, self shame, self forgiveness, self esteem, self value, emotional stability, self worth, personal knowledge about sexual matters, exposure to sexual abuse, exposure to proper nurturing, as well as exposure to Godly expectations.

C.S. Lewis once remarked that the reason why we look for fulfillment outside our own marriage is because we have not allowed God to show us the depths of joy and happiness that He can provide in our existing relationship. When we allow ourselves to experience God’s plan for marriage, we soon find ourselves in a state of satisfaction and contentment that makes us wonder why anyone would ever consider such a stray thought.


Sex and the Search for Intimacy - what is love

What about your heart? Is there a secret to true love and intimacy? Find out…

By Dick Purnell

what is love - intimacyDr. Henry Brandt, in the Collegiate Challengemagazine, said that there is a syndrome, a pattern, when couples come to him. They say, “At first, sex was exciting. Then I started feeling funny about myself, and then I started feeling funny about my partner. We argued and fought and finally we broke up. Now we are enemies.”

This syndrome is what I call the morning-after syndrome. We wake up and find that intimacy is not really there. The sexual relationship does not satisfy us anymore, and what we end up with is not what we really wanted in the first place. All you have is two self-centered people seeking self-satisfaction. The elements of genuine love and intimacy cannot be obtained “instantly,” and you find yourself in an unbalanced state, searching for harmony.

Intimacy means more than the physical.

Each of us has five significant parts in our lives. We have the physical, the emotional, the mental, the social, and the spiritual. All five of these parts are designed to work together in harmony. In our search for intimacy we want the solution today, or yesterday. One of our problems is that we want “instant” gratification. When the need for intimacy in a relationship is not met, we look for an “instant” solution. Where do we look? Physical, mental, social, emotional or spiritual? It’s the physical. It is easier to be physically intimate with someone than to be intimate in any of the other four areas. You can become physically intimate with a person of the opposite sex in an hour, or half-hour — it just depends upon the urge! But you soon discover that sex may only be a temporary relief for a superficial desire. There is a much deeper need that is still unmet.

What do you do when the thrill wears off and the more you have sex, the less you like it? We rationalize it by saying, “We are in love. No, I mean really in love.” But we still find ourselves feeling guilty and unsatisfied. On campuses all across America I see men and women searching for intimacy, going from one relationship to another hoping, “This time will be it. This time I am going to find a relationship that will last.”

I believe that what we really want is not sex. What we really want is intimacy.

Today, the word intimacy has taken on sexual connotations. But it is much more than that. It includes all the different dimensions of our lives — yes, the physical, but also the social, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects as well. Intimacy really means total life sharing. And haven’t we all had the desire at one time or another for closeness, for oneness, for sharing our life with someone totally?

What is it about love that scares us?

what is love - intimacyMarshall Hodge wrote a book called Your Fear of Love. In it he says, “We long for moments of expressions of love, closeness and tenderness, but frequently, at the critical point, we often draw back. We are afraid of closeness. We are afraid of love.” Later in the same book Hodge states, “The closer you come to somebody, the greater potential there is for pain.” It is the fear of pain that often drives us away from finding true intimacy.


Sex and Intimacy was written by Richard Purnell in 1997.  Dick is a noted writer of books designed for students in college having spoke at over 450 college campuses throughout the United States.




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