How Intimate Is Your Intimacy?

Have you filled out a document and responded to the inquiry about your sex as “yes” or “no”?  Of course not.  Sex isn’t the same as intimacy.  Sex has more to do with gender than it does about intercourse.  In fact in the underground world of prostitution and call girls and pornography intimacy is the key missing ingredient that allows the females and males who have chosen such a lifestyle to engage in it without any sense of attachment or bonding to the people they engage.  

According to Erik Erikson’s Stages of Development, Intimacy vs. Isolation is the sixth stage of the eight stages of healthy psychosocial development.  Intimacy which is stage six typically occurs between the ages of 18 to about age 30.  Intimacy is the ability to allow oneself to become completely close to others with one’s spirit, soul, and body.  Intimacy at such a level involves risk taking, trust, and being vulnerable.  By age’s 18 to 30 one should be more secure in who they are and less concerned about being accepted or of value.  Intimacy requires one to posses an inner clarity of self that empowers one with a high capacity of assurance of being entrusted into the hearts of those they are in relationships with.  Erikson on the other hand cautioned about isolation in stage six.  Erikson believes that isolation is actually a manifestation of loneliness and stages one through 5 exclusion from love, friendship, community and long term relationships.  Erikson argues in the absence of intimacy an inner hateful spirit develops which in reality is an overcompensation for being lonely inside one’s spirit.  

Intimacy Must Be Preceded By:

1.  Hope – Trust

2.  Will – Autonomy

3.  Purpose – Initiative 

4.  Competence – Industry 

5.  Fidelity – Identity

6.  Love – Which is Intimacy

Now let us take a closer look at intimacy through the lens of love.  In order for healthy love to be present in one’s intimacy none of the previous steps can be skipped.  Intimacy requires the ability to trust self in the emotions of others.  Intimacy requires the ability to be determined to reach forward not because of others but rather because of the value of who one is in the eyes of their creator.  Intimacy requires the ability to have a clarity of purpose for living each in the richness of one’s calling.  Intimacy requires the ability to development a spirit of competence based socially, spiritually, and family healthy morals.  Intimacy requires the ability to possess within one’s self a spirit of loyalty to healthy others which becomes the permanent identification of character.  All of the foregoing requirements will more naturally result in long lasting and comfortable closeness in genuine love which is intimacy.

Have stages leading to true intimacy been disrupted in your life?  What do you think can be done to repair any phase or phases that are incomplete?


One Response

  1. Very good article loved it.

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