Family Dynamics…There Is Nothing New Under The Sun
May 4, 2015

Beginning with Adam and Eve, in family dynamics some within a family seem to “get it” and others potentially will “get it” later or maybe not at all.  Within the family of King Saul in Old Testament history, Jonathan “got it” while his father never quite figured life out in a positive manner.  King David who once was an adulterer, murderer, liar who coveted power later in life “got it” but his son Absalom never quite figured life out in a positive manner.  Madelene Murry O’Hara a devote Atheist never quite “got it”, while in 1980 her son William converted to Christianity and was according to a quote from his own mother, “One could call this a postnatal abortion on the part of a mother, I guess; I repudiate him entirely and completely for now and all times … he is beyond human forgiveness.”  President Jimmy Carter is remembered for winning a Nobel Peace Prize while his brother Billy is remembered for drinking beer.  Jesus and eleven of his Apostles are remembered for being assembled together in Acts 1, while Judas is remembered for hanging himself and betraying Jesus.

Not long after the church was established in Acts 2, by the time one reads Acts 5, a husband and wife team brings shame upon the glorified church by teaming together to hide the true unchanged components of their hearts.  A few of those components appear to have been greed, mistrust of others, pride, insecurity and a true lack of spiritual maturity.    In the history of the world, there has never been nor will there every be a long extended expanse of chronological time, when mankind will “get it” collectively all at the same time in such a manner that absolute tranquility will be in place long term.  Have you noticed that in work environments, social environments and home environments at any given time, someone becomes disruptive and creates internal tension within the organization(s)?  The bad news is that within anything that has greatness and or the potential for greatness, Satan is constantly looking for an opening to destroy the potential for a wealthy harvest.  The good news about such bad news it that the burden is put upon the shoulders of those who “get it”, not to allow Satan and his many devices to take over.  Organizations with gold and silver should not allow themselves to become wood and clay.  Wood and clay must somehow become accepting of the fact that their is indeed a place within the home for who they are and what they are capable of providing to the great organization while functioning within the realm of their abilities.  Satan on the other hand will make every effort to enter into the hearts of each component and turn them one against the other.

In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay.  The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use.  If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use.  your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.  Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts.  Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace.  Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.  Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights.  A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.  Gently instruct those who oppose the truth.  Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.  Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap.  For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.  2 Timothy 2:20 – 26

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Domestic Violence and Early Development
October 18, 2012

It would be extremely rare for a person to wake up one morning and decide that “today is the day that I will become an abusive person”.  People who are abusive in relationships are individuals who at some level shown such tendencies throughout their lives or as a consequence of being themselves exposed to an emotionally traumatizing episode at some point in their life.  Teenage bullies, young violent adults, and people who are violent in closed in relationships usually began developing the emotional, cognitive and relational temperament toward violence as early as 3 to 5 years of age.  According to Erickson’s Stages of Development children learn the basic tenets of trust vs. mistrust from birth to 1 year old.  Erickson also states that during the same developmental period, children are developing a sense of “hope or despair”.  It is during this birth to 1 year stage that a child formulates long term appreciation or a lack of appreciation for interdependence and an ability to relate to other individuals.  A common trait of individuals who are domestic abusers is an inability to show empathy and enjoy a healthy dependence from those with whom they are in a relationship.

 

It is human to have a long childhood; it is civilized to have an even longer childhood. Long childhood makes 
a technical and mental virtuoso out of man, but it also leaves a life-long residue of emotional immaturity in him.

— Erik Homburger Erikson (1902-1994)

Below is a section from Children Exposed To Domestic Violence which is a handbook designed for educators to help raise awareness about how home domestic violence effect the children in every domain of life.  The publication is by The Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System located in Ontario, Canada.

Impacts on Children
Watching, hearing or later learning of a parent being
harmed by a partner threatens children’s sense of
stability and security typically provided by their family.
• Children may experience increased emotional and behavioral difficulties.
• Some children who experience difficulties display traumatic stress reactions (e.g.,
sleep disturbances, intensified startle reactions, constant worry about possible
danger).
• Children living with domestic violence are at increased risk of experiencing physical
injury or childhood abuse (e.g., physical, emotional).
• The perpetrator may use children as a control tactic against adult victims.
Examples include:
• claiming the children’s bad behavior is the reason for the assaults on the nonoffending parent;
• threatening violence against the children and their pets in front of the nonoffending parent;
• holding the children hostage or abducting them in an effort to punish the adult
victim or to gain compliance;
• talking negatively to children about the abused parent’s behavior.
• Children may experience strong ambivalence toward their violent parent: affection
coexists with feelings of resentment and disappointment.
• Children may imitate and learn the attitudes and behaviors modeled when intimate
partner abuse occurs.
• Exposure to violence may desensitize children to aggressive behavior. When
this occurs, aggression becomes part of the “norm” and is less likely to signal
concern to children.

Please Comment:  What were your early childhood home experiences like and do you find yourself in a domestic abuse relationship currently?